A behavior that I have become more attuned to recently is the word passivity. Or better yet the outcome of what such a word produces. When I think of passive, I am usually reminded of someone with a passive aggressive attitude in a conversation. They make remarks that have an undertone to them. There’s something they’d like to say but it’s never directly spoken. Nothing is flat out said but it’s implied. Perhaps these people don’t like confrontation. Perhaps they enjoy the nature of criticism that doesn’t expect change. Either way they have opted out of healing the relationship. But what I’ve often overlooked is what passivity has created in the person. A disbelief in change.
Passivity is without a cause.
It lacks a commitment to a movement or purpose.
Passivity is to maintain the status quo; not better, not worse.
By definition, to be passive is to accept what is happening without active resistance.
And the key, to pick up on, is that the resistance itself isn’t even an active thing. It’s not a pursuit and it’s not a retreat. It is simply neutral.
A word of advice to dads...
Do not let fatherhood be something that happens to you and remain in neutral.
When visiting with family from out of town over the holidays, Relatives would comment on the changes they’ve noticed in my children. My son has been struggling with his speech and in the last year has been getting help from a speech therapist. Both my wife and I work really hard to help him improve each day. It always catches me off guard when someone highlights such a drastic improvement since the last time they saw him. Even though this is true, I have never experienced a drastic improvement. I've experienced the “little progresses”along the way. It takes me a second to think back on what his speech was like. Can I really picture or remember the difference? Am I even paying attention?
Now you’re probably thinking, don’t be so hard on yourself.
But let me drive my point.
Yes, I am hard at work in helping my son improve his speech. And it’s good to hear from others that he is indeed improving. And at times I have noticed a change. But what I'm realizing is, as his Dad, Improving his speech is not my cause.
My cause can not be the same as the speech therapist. The role I play for my son is a far more important role that God has entrusted me with. And there is more that my son needs from me than just practicing sounding out syllables with him. (Don’t stop doing this though). It should not take the holiday comments of a relative for me to begin to reflect on the progress my son is making. I should be active and aware of my cause throughout.
My main cause is to raise my son, teaching him to glorify God.
And in this obstacle in his life, my cause is to instill confidence in him, that he has the ability to do hard things. He needs to hear from me that I notice the improvements in the moment. And even more importantly that when he’s struggling, I can see how hard he’s working and it’s not about the result but our ability not to quit when things get tough. Am I living that myself for him to see and intentional in noticing that in him?
What I'm trying to say is, sometimes the hard work that goes into raising our children can be draining and consuming. Our minds can be captivated, buried deep in the details of all the things we have to do for them. You can experience fatherhood on a very surface level while the whole time feeling the weight and grind of being a dad. When it’s tiring, sometimes we just focus on what needs to be done and miss out on being purposeful throughout.
Now some dads aren’t even hard at work being a dad and passively avoiding their responsibilities. But don’t overshoot it and only focus on the responsibilities. That is passive too. We have this great opportunity to be intentional in the values we demonstrate before them. And when we know our cause, we can be purposeful in how we respond, spend time, and interact with our kids.
This is not only beneficial to our kids, but it is also beneficial to us as well. When we understand our role as a dad, we become more confident in ourselves and our actions. God delights in us understanding our identity as a father. It is because we are closer to understanding our own relationship with God. The struggles we have with navigating fatherhood tend to be similar in struggles we have with God ourselves and allowing him to enact his fatherly traits with us. (Deut. 1:30-31)
How we live out our fatherhood should reflect the characteristics of our Heavenly Father. He is the model which has been established for us to follow. God the Father is a papa with a cause. He has purpose behind His actions and intentions towards us. And he has demonstrated his sacrificial nature for us and his goal for us to be reconciled with Him. We would have nothing if God allowed passivity to decide our fate. His active resistance to our rebellion has given us substantial mercy. And because He loves us we can experience the fullness of life.
We should want that for our kids too.
So, we should model it and live activated in it.
Biblical Reflection
The Lord your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the wilderness. There you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place.” // Deuteronomy 1:30-31
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