I took the Clifton Strengths Finder test when I was a junior in high school. Now, this Strengths Finder test was meant to highlight which of 34 unique attributes you are most likely to utilize when facing a challenge. In other words, this test highlights one's problem-solving thumbprint. There are two things I have to say about that test.
First, I took that test as a junior in high school; that was four years ago and I’m internally freaking out (“Must I concede to these ephemeral years and grudgingly submit to the idea that I am no longer a child protected by the cloak of youth?!” — yeah, I probably should). And second, I discovered to be “introspective”; the ability to examine the way I think. I’m not surprised by my test results when it said my strengths were Context, Analytical, Learner, Deliberative, and Focus. I’ve always seen problems by numbers, options, and feasibility, and oh, by the way, is it clear that I’m an engineering major?
Because of my innate response to rely on these strengths, I would characterize myself as a very legalistic and rule-oriented indignant person. And many times this greatly benefits me, such as in school. But this way of thinking has a way of drawing divisions because you either are doing what is right or you are doing what is wrong. You find yourself saying, “X is right, Y is wrong. You’re doing Y. So what in the world are you thinking?” And sometimes it is hard to show grace to those who fall short of your own standards. It’s also tough to allow myself to live under grace when I know full well I’ve fallen short.
As Christians, there is a line to walk between embracing grace towards ourselves when we fall short and stagnancy in our faith and deeds because we are satisfied with where we are in life. Paul, in Romans, writes of the good news of righteousness not through the law, but through faith, but he also repudiates living carelessly because of the grace we have been given. Most of us are too hard on ourselves. I know that when I fail to abide by the rules and the standards I like to think I live up to, I become angry with myself. After all, I am legalistically minded and my wrongs seem inexcusable. And while it is true that God desires us to live a certain way— for us to be set apart, above reproach, and to abstain from the things of the world— the truth of the matter is these are impossible standards and there is a constant struggle between the flesh and the spirit. As Paul writes in Romans in chapter 7:
For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.
Romans 7:15-19
I think we all have a little too much pride. And while pride is most notably considering yourself more highly or righteous than the rest, I believe pride is also an obsession with the avoidance of doing things that are “beneath” yourself. We create metrics of what we do throughout the day, week, or year so we can justify ourselves and our own righteousness through the law. We say things like, “I haven’t done X in Y number of days,” and we think these things not to glorify God with our actions, but to glorify ourselves. And if we could grow to recognize our position in God’s kingdom while here on earth, I doubt that we would see ourselves as any more than poor, lost, and detached in so many ways if not for the grace of God. But I still try to satisfy my relationship with God by what I do and do not do.
When I was reading Romans earlier this month, a passage from Romans 9 stood out to me. The verses are 30-33 where Paul is addressing the righteousness of the Gentiles through their belief contrary to righteousness through legal holiness. He writes:
“For what shall we say then? That Gentiles who did not pursue righteousness have attained it, that is, a righteousness that is by faith; but that Israel who pursued a law that would lead to righteousness did not succeed in reaching that law? Why? Because they did not pursue it by faith, but as if it were based on works. They have stumbled over the stumbling stone, as it is written, ‘Behold, I am laying in Zion a stone of stumbling, and a rock of offense; and whoever believes in him will not be put to shame.’ ”
Romans 9:30-33
Far often I pursue righteousness by the law, which is, in part, one of the reasons I fail to uphold the law. This becomes a destructive cycle. And in that manner, I am stumbling over the Stone of Zion which is Jesus. For Jesus did not come to commend the Pharisee but to save the sinner. So why should the saved sinner, like myself, become like a Pharisee? Should I pursue righteousness? Yes! It is good to pursue righteousness, to attach to what is right. But pursue it by faith, not by the law.
I heard someone put it like this one time: skiing in the trees is scary. There are tree swells and obstacles to dodge, dangerous things to avoid. And when this person skied through the trees the first time, someone pulled him aside and rebuked him by saying “What are you doing skiing like that? Don’t ski to avoid the trees, ski the powder, after all, that’s why you’re skiing.” And the person telling me this story went on to describe how many times we live in fear of sin (the trees) and we live with the avoidance of sin so prominent in our minds that we become blind to the reason we are living and following Jesus in the first place. God, give us the wisdom so that we can live in freedom, celebrating that we get to ski the slopes of Your immeasurable love daily.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about how beautiful it is to have a relational God who desires you to walk with Him, grow with him, and put your burdens upon Him. He is not inaccessible until you reach a certain level of holiness. He is not a video game boss where you need to have completed the first 99 levels of Christianity to unlock. That would be a god obsessed with righteousness through law, and I hate to break it to you, but in the video game of holiness, we are far from level 99. Rather, He is a God who came to sinners and said, “Follow Me and I will clean you, care for you, and raise you as My own.”
Our obsession with legalistic holiness will cause us to stumble over the radicality of Jesus, the Christ, and his love and grace. Allow grace to penetrate the way you think about yourself. In layman's terms, let grace give you a break. Granted, this is the break you don’t deserve but you still get. Grace is not meant to be hard on us but to inspire us to righteous living.
And let not your mind be transfixed upon legalistic deconstruction of your life, but on Jesus and his character of love, grace, mercy, kindness, patience, righteousness, and goodness.
That sort of love and grace is transformative.
Biblical Reflection:
For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace. // Romans 6:14
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. // 2 Corinthians 12:9
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